I was working the dinner shift at a high-end restaurant one evening when an elderly woman walked in. She was by herself, dressed to the nines, and carried herself with the kind of old-world elegance that commanded both grace and respect. She sat facing the sunset and ordered two different glasses of white wine from my colleague, to whom I remarked off-handedly, “I’d like to join her party!”

“I think she’s celebrating someone who’s passed,” he nudged back, gently.

I felt a twinge in my stom ach as I realized my joke had been misplaced. How could I have been so unobservant? I watched my colleague in awe, as he knelt patiently beside the woman and listened to her requests. She took all of his menu suggestions and enjoyed the beautiful meal that my colleague had so thoughtfully mapped out for her, delicately sipping her chardonnay, leaving the pinot grigio untouched. He was right — she had lost someone she loved.

Upon this realization, we both took pains to make sure her water was always full, and the plate in front of her never empty until the next dish arrived. We mopped up the condensation that occasionally formed under her water glass, making sure always to smile, engaging with her if she wanted to talk, knowing when to walk away when she desired privacy.

At the end of the meal, she thanked us graciously, and even returned the next night to relive the experience — the best compliment a bartender can get.

This woman will forever be emblazoned on my brain as the epitome of dignity and class. However, it was my colleague’s actions which I find myself returning to over and over in my mind. This wasn’t the first time this had happened.

A couple of years earlier, a single man in his early 20s had been the first guest through the door. Though he was the only patron in the restaurant, it took him 30 minutes to order. We giggled at what we only could assume was indecisiveness, while my same colleague stood calmly with him as he asked dozens of questions.

The restaurant had begun to fill up, when my colleague was finally able to tear himself away and let us know the gentleman was autistic, and this was his first time dining out by himself. All of us were taken aback, not just by how insensitive our chortling had been, but also by how intuitive and compassionate our colleague was.

Everyone immediately started picking up his surrounding tables, so he could spend more time with the young man, whom on his way out, stopped for a full five minutes to thank our colleague for the experience. He even returned after leaving to say thank you one last time.

Since 2020, there has been a wave of professional movement by those changing careers, working from home, or even moving to a new location, which working from home has allowed some to do — all in the name of mental health. Yet, like the psychology student who enters the medical field to try and solve their own problems, so too, do many of our industry professionals turn outward and serve others as a way of alleviating or escaping from their own mental strife. After all, aren’t bartenders the therapists of the bar world? And while celebrities and sports figures with means and access to appropriate mental health care have finally begun speaking up about its importance, the topic is still taboo for some cultures, genders and generations.

The fear of being judged is a powerful and paralyzing emotion. The desire to fit in can often keep us from doing the right thing, either for others or for ourselves.

Likewise, compassion isn’t just something you’re born with, but is often learned or enhanced by following the examples set by others, like my colleague, who himself, I later discovered, experienced houselessness as a child.

With the holidays just around the corner, if inflation makes that certain gift just out of reach, remember that kindness is free. We never know what someone else is going through. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for each other is listen. People who sit at a table want privacy. People who sit at a bar wish to engage. You may just make someone’s holiday wish come true.

Naughty or nice today

2 ounces High West double rye whiskey

1 ounce fresh lemon juice

0.25 ounces Elixir G Ginger syrup

1 ounce local honey

2 ounces hot water

Directions:

Combine High West double rye whiskey, fresh lemon juice, Elixir G, honey syrup and filtered water in a pan and heat on the stove on medium, stirring occasionally until it starts to steam. Remove from heat immediately and pour into glass toddy or coffee mug. To garnish, float a lemon wheel studded with five cloves in the glass, alongside a cinnamon stick.

Alicia Yamachika is a bartender and craft mixologist, who currently is the key account manager at Southern Glazer’s Wine & Spirits on Oahu. Follow her on Instagram (@alicia_yamachika). Her column will appear every second Wednesday in Crave.