Did you know Mouse Davis was at one time head coach of the University of Hawaii football team?

Neither did I, until reading a 500-word story by ChatGPT, one of the hot new Artificial Intelligence programs that produces tales that are often worse than a bad Wikipedia entry from the early 2000s, minus any hint of sourcing.

This piece is about the style of offense the Warriors have used during some of their best years, and which coach Timmy Chang is reinstalling this season.

“The run and shoot offense is a unique and dynamic offensive strategy that has been used in American football for several decades. Developed by former University of Hawaii head coach Mouse Davis and popularized by his protégé, June Jones, the run and shoot offense is known for its high-scoring and fast-paced style of play.”

This is just one example of why AI=FN, or, Artificial Intelligence=Fake News.

ChatGPT knows what fact checking means. Ask, and this is part of the answer:

“It involves conducting research and cross-referencing sources to ensure that the information being presented is supported by evidence and reliable sources. Fact checking is an important practice in journalism, research, and any situation where the accuracy of information is crucial. It helps to prevent the spread of misinformation and ensures that the public is provided with accurate and reliable information.”

That’s a pretty good definition. But when it comes to checking facts, ChatGPT is the maid who doesn’t do windows. It knows what garbage in, garbage out means, too. It blames its “programming or training data” for rubbish it produces.

It’s not much on nuance, either. Again, from its take on the run and shoot:

“The running back’s primary role is to provide a threat in the running game, forcing the defense to respect the ground attack and creating opportunities for the passing game.”

Gee, that’s funny. The way I always heard it — from Jones, Davis (who really did coach the UH running backs at one time), and anyone else who would talk about it — it was usually the other way around. We all saw it play out that way in games, too.

The running back’s main job in the run and shoot was to block, at least until the unstoppable passing attack pushed nearly all of the defenders way off the line of scrimmage. Of course, the running back might get the ball more often if his name was Barry Sanders, as was the case when the Lions called their four-wide offense the silver streak and Davis was the offensive coordinator.

Speaking of four-wide, ChatGPT is old school. It says no tight ends allowed in the run and shoot.

Somebody had better alert Coach Timmy, who at times puts a big guy who can run and catch next to an offensive tackle.

But ChatGPT doesn’t know why Chang would care:

“As of my last update, the head coach of the University of Hawaii football team is Todd Graham. He was hired in January 2020. Todd Graham has a wealth of coaching experience, having previously served as the head coach at Arizona State University, Pittsburgh, and Tulsa, among other schools. He is known for his high-energy coaching style and his ability to develop strong relationships with his players. Under his leadership, the University of Hawaii football team has shown promise and has been working towards building a successful program.”

I added the boldface and italics. You can add the punchline.

If you can’t think of one: ChatGPT also thinks the UH football team still plays at Aloha Stadium. No joke.

Maybe someday AI will do our jobs better than humans who are trained and experienced journalists (and many might say it’s a low enough bar to reach).

But I won’t be alive when that day arrives … according to an AI-generated story I stumbled upon recently, I’m already dead. Other than that minor detail, everything else was correct — except for the part about working at a newspaper in San Francisco. I’ve read a newspaper in San Francisco once or twice, that’s about it.

But I do agree with my friend and colleague, Stephen Tsai, who says AI can be useful. Yes, like many other tools, it’s helpful if used correctly — but dangerous if not.

(By the way, ChatGPT says Stephen has “authored several books on University of Hawaii football.” As a UH sports lead beat reporter for nearly 40 years, he’s written enough stories about the Warriors to fill a wing at the state library. But he reminded me there’s just one book, in which the Honolulu Advertiser published articles he and others wrote from the paper’s 2007 Sugar Bowl season coverage.)

Stephen says AI is not different from other modern conveniences, like an ATM. Push a few buttons and it does something for you.

But there’s one big difference: An ATM has never given me counterfeit bills.