The primary election is finally over, and it’s time to “flASHback” on August’s news that amused and confused:
>> Gov. David Ige came back from 20 points down in the polls to improbably defeat U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa in his bid for re-election. Who would have thought: Charlie Brown finally gets the best of Lucy.
>> Ige took a trip to the mainland with his family after the primary election to “recharge.” I didn’t realize he had any charge to begin with.
>> Hanabusa said she’s “not sure that I’ll run for any kind of political office again.” The poor woman has had the most near misses since Sisyphus.
>> More than $1 million from a Carpenters Union super PAC helped Josh Green beat fellow state Sen. Jill Tokuda and three others in the Democratic primary for lieutenant governor. Green could be the first future governor bought on layaway.
>> State Rep. Andria Tupola won the Republican primary for governor, only to have her LG running mate, Marissa Kerns, demand that she apologize for her voting record in the Legislature. This is why there’s such a thin line between politics and comedy.
>> Moderate Ed Case won the Democratic nomination for the 1st Congressional District and said feuding Democrats and Republicans should “sit down at tables like adults.” As long as they bring a highchair for the president.
>> U.S. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard easily won renomination in the 2nd Congressional District, but not before the Hawaii Army National Guard dressed her down for wearing her uniform in political materials against military ethics. She keeps forgetting the military has ethics where Congress doesn’t.
>> State Rep. Matt LoPresti won the Democratic state Senate nomination in Ewa Beach after getting caught on video stealing an opponent’s campaign flyer. Only in politics do you serve your four-year term for larceny in the Legislature.
>> Prominent former legislators Clayton Hee, Bobby Bunda and Jessica Wooley all lost by big margins in comeback attempts. Voters were in no mood for calls to “bring the rascals back.”
>> With voter turnout light and most who bothered to vote doing so by mail, polling places were quiet except for parents who brought their kids to show them the workings of democracy. To the kids, democracy looked a lot like nap time in kindergarten.
>> Away from politics, a Hawaiian Airlines flight to San Francisco from Kahului turned back after a passenger turned unruly over a
$10 charge for a blanket. For that price he should also get a glass of milk and a bedtime story.
And the quote of the month … from Josh Green on the lieutenant governor’s job: “It is surreal. I can’t imagine any better job.” I’ll say. You get paid almost as much as the governor, and as long as he’s alive, all you have to work on is your tan.
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
