The last place you’ll catch my wife and me on Valentine’s Day is a restaurant. Few calendar dates strike me with more fear than Feb. 14. See, Valentine’s Day is one of a handful of occasions when everyone else decides that they have to go out. Good reservation times vanish. Service becomes harried. Count in the cost of scheduling a baby sitter, and we might as well walk around with our credit card number plastered onto our foreheads.

We celebrate Valentine’s Day at home, using it as an excuse to ignore the entire world (with the exception of our daughter). Plus, we splurge on items we’d hardly be able to afford at a restaurant: Champagne, shellfish and fancy chocolate.

But sweating in the kitchen for hours to craft the perfect romantic meal can feel just as stressful as braving the wilds of the restaurant scene. That’s why our menu consists of items that require the least amount of effort, yet make you feel like a million bucks.

Instead of dirtying a bunch of silverware, we devour all the food with our hands, maybe because it’s romantic, allowing us to satisfy some primal urge, but mostly since it’s more fun.

We start with oysters slurped straight from the shell, paired with Champagne. It’s no trouble to find a good bottle in the $30-to-$40 range from a nice wine shop. While that’s more than we’d normally spend for a night at home, that same bottle would cost about $100 at a restaurant. See how we’re sort of saving money?

Plus, the next course is mussels, among the most affordable shellfish options around. And they couldn’t be simpler to prepare.

About 3 pounds is right for two. Create a flavorful base, add the mussels and cook until they spring open. Sure, mussels need to be cleaned and debearded — a five-minute job if you’re counting — but they can be cooked in less than five minutes.

This year we are going with a simple combination of tomatoes and white wine. Saute some onion and garlic, add some tomatoes and the wine, dump in the mussels and, three minutes later, dinner is served. The only way you could screw this up is if you forget the crusty bread to dip into the mussel-imbued liquid. Seriously, dunking fresh bread into the liquid is probably the best part, so don’t forget that, OK?

We end with chocolate, because why wouldn’t you? Usually, that just means a nice bar of dark chocolate, though we’ve been known to spring for a few chocolate truffles. Whatever your chocolate craving of choice, it will work here.

And that’s it. With a minimal amount of effort, you have a shellfish-stocked meal, plenty of bubbly and never have to worry about asking for the check.

Oysters need nothing more than to be opened: This does require some finagling — and you will need to purchase an oyster knife for stress-free shucking (and an old towel used to grab the oysters helps avoid serious injuries). Once they’re popped, slurp away. Add a squeeze of lemon or a drop of a vinegary mignonette, if you like, but if you score great oysters from a trusted fishmonger, why cover them up? We like to order a dozen, six from the East Coast and six from the West Coast, though we let the fishmonger direct us toward the freshest offerings.

MUSSELS WITH TOMATO AND WHITE WINE

By Nick Kindelsperger

• 3 pounds mussels
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 yellow onion, thinly sliced
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
• 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
• 1 cup crushed canned tomatoes
• 1/2 cup dry white wine
• Handful fresh parsley, chopped

Rinse and scrub mussels under cold water. Remove beard from mussels, if necessary. Discard any mussels that won’t close if gently pressed.

Heat oil in a large pot set over medium. Add onion, garlic and salt; cook until onion softens, about 5 minutes. Add red pepper flakes and oregano; cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Pour in tomatoes; cook until they have slightly thickened, 3 to 5 minutes. Pour in wine.

Increase heat to high to bring to a boil. Add mussels, cover pot and cook, stirring every minute, until all the mussels have opened, 3 to 4 minutes. Discard any that don’t. Turn off the heat; add parsley.

Divide mussels and liquid between two large bowls. Serve with crusty bread. Serves 2.

Approximate nutritional information, per serving: 426 calories, 19 g total fat, 3 g saturated fat, 102 mg cholesterol, 24 g carbohydrates, 8 g sugar, 43 g protein, 1,618 mg sodium, 3 g fiber.