September’s gone and it’s time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:
>> President Donald Trump derided North Korean leader Kim Jong Un as “Rocket Man” and Kim called Trump a “dotard.” Both got their lines from “Megalomania for Dummies.”
>> Hawaii legislators were briefed in secret on North Korea’s nuclear threat, saying they didn’t want to panic the public. More likely, they wanted to know where the secret bunker is.
>> Following his travel ban lawsuit, Attorney General Doug Chin added student loans to his long list of legal beefs with Trump. It’s the political equivalent of ambulance chasing.
>> The state cut back on free flu shots at schools, citing priorities. I’m sure the kids are happy to sacrifice themselves for more public worker pension spiking.
>> State Sen. Will Espero pushed to legalize recreational marijuana for the tax money, arguing, “Most people don’t know how expensive governing is.” Must be why we elect legislators who remind us how stupid we are.
>> Gov. David Ige made Hawaii the first state to offer cash-free medical marijuana sales, hoping to deter robberies at pot dispensaries. We can’t have bandits competing with state tax collectors.
>> Honolulu could lose up to $10 million in federal housing funds for slow spending, and the city
auditor dinged the Caldwell administration for mismanaging homeless aid. With the $2.4 billion rail bailout in hand, on to the next failure.
>> The city rail agency energized the guideway between Waipahu and West Loch and will run trains back and forth at 55 mph. Another step in the process of going nowhere fast.
>> The City Council approved two skyscrapers with 444 high-end hotel-
condo units in the Ala Moana transit district. It’s affordable housing for folks who can afford Bloomingdale’s, Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus.
>> After eight months without a chief, the Honolulu Police Commission whittled the applicant pool from 34 to 24 to nine to seven. At this rate, they’ll give us three wise men by Christmas.
>> Signs at Waikiki’s Kuhio Beach warned tourists of bacteria that was four times acceptable levels. There’s no hospitality like putting our best germs forward.
>> An Alabama football fan mistakenly thought freshman quarterback Tua Tagovailoa, because he’s from Hawaii, can’t speak
English. After four years in Alabama, he probably won’t be able to anymore.
>> University of Hawaii linebackers coach Sean Duggan dislocated his elbow and broke his wrist in a flying chest bump with 6-foot-7, 300-pound lineman Viane Moala. He was doing an impression of Mayor Kirk Caldwell’s rail bailout bash with Rep. Sylvia Luke.
And the quote of the month … from Rep. Cynthia Thielen on city rail spending: “I say they have forgotten the ‘First Law of Holes’ — if you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.” They confused it with the “First Law of Sinkholes.”
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
