Raising mentally and emotionally healthy daughters presents challenges that are very different from taking care of our sons.
Keeping our girls safe is a major concern. They are two to three times more likely to be sexually abused than are boys. When they start dating, 21 percent of our daughters will experience physical or sexual dating violence, a rate twice that of males.
When life gets tough, they are three to four times more likely than boys to attempt to kill themselves. They are more vulnerable to mental problems, including depression, anxiety and eating disorders.
Whether due to genetics or environment, we need to recognize the special challenges of preparing our daughters to live in a world that can be hostile to their physical safety and emotional well-being.
Here is what you can do.
1. Safety from abuse. Beginning in preschool, we need to prepare our kids, particularly girls, to tell us immediately if they ever feel uncomfortable with others trying to touch them.
Our daughters are most at risk from family and friends. I understand this is a tough conversation. You don’t want your girls to be suspicious of people you trust, but your priority is to keep them safe.
You should not allow your daughter to date until you’ve had several explicit conversations about dating violence. If you think she is too young for such discussions, then she is too young to date.
Alert your teen to the risk factors of dating violence. Avoid relationships controlling, manipulative and aggressive people. Never give a second chance to a first-time violent dating offender.
Alcohol and drug use are major factors in these situations. Talk to your daughter about what she can do to keep herself safe and avoid risky situations and people.
2. Safety from self-harm. In 2014, 17 percent of high school kids seriously thought about killing themselves in the previous 12 months. Our girls are more likely to turn their feelings inward, hurting themselves to relieve the pain of depression, anxiety or hopelessness. These normal feelings can be particularly intense during the teenage years. This is the time when your daughter needs your caring presence and emotional support.
If you have concerns, don’t be reluctant to ask your child whether she has had feelings of self-harm, and take her response seriously.
3. Promote resiliency. In a world where gender stereotypes can be particularly harmful to our girls, promoting our daughters’ confidence and competence based upon their achievements in school, athletics, clubs, etc., might be the single best way to raise healthy girls.
