Kirk Caldwell has a new campaign commercial playing on local radio stations. And so it begins.
The first part of the 30-second ad is kind of like a skit. It portrays fourth-grade Kirk Caldwell competing in a spelling bee in 1964. It’s his turn and he gets the word “infrastructure.”
Kid Kirk has a perky, know-it-all kind of voice. Fictional Kid Kirk Caldwell is apparently just like Actual Adult Kirk Caldwell, just several octaves higher.
Infrastructure is a really long word to spell out loud, especially at that pitch, but Kid Kirk is really into it.
I, N, F …
Spoiler: Kid Kirk gets it right. Of course. But that’s not the end of the commercial.
When the moderator of the spelling bee (who sounds much like Mrs. Puff from SpongeBob) lets Kid Kirk know that he’s correct, the precocious pre-politician takes the opportunity to give a very thorough definition of the word.
As if the fictional moderator had asked for the definition.
As if real voters don’t know the definition.
The second half of the ad has the Actual Adult Kirk Caldwell chuckling over the dramatization, saying it didn’t really start that way but that he is still passionate about infrastructure.
Cue the slack key guitar:
“Aloha. I’m Kirk Caldwell, and the sad truth is that we haven’t been keeping up with our infrastructure for decades. But we’ve been working to turn that around — improving our roads, sewers, parks and playgrounds and completing more than a third of our rail transit guideway. Still, we have much more to do. And as mayor, I’ll keep working to get the job done for all of you.”
As far as campaign ads go, this one is a bit off the regular menu. On the one hand, it can be seen as a clever way to make the oppressively boring yet truly essential topic of infrastructure more palatable, perhaps even entertaining. On the other hand, it’s a fictional depiction of an actual professional in a leadership position. That’s one thing if you’re selling malasadas or Gummi Bears; it’s another if it’s the current mayor of Honolulu who would like another term in that very grown-up job.
There’s a moment in the script, though, that is rarely heard in campaign ads. Call it self-deprecation, a small moment of charming vulnerability or maybe some elevated category of “humble-brag.”
When Kid Kirk gives the protracted definition of infrastructure, the moderator tries, albeit kindly, to stop him several times. Finally, to make him stop talking, she says, with a note of irritation in her Mrs. Puff voice:
“Kirk Caldwell, please sit down.”
Gosh.
Given the sharply adversarial relationship between Caldwell and his assumed challenger, it seems either an act of bravery or a momentary lapse to be so unguarded. Can you imagine any other politician paying for a moment like that?
“Ernie Martin, please sit down.”
Naw, we won’t be hearing that. At least not in an Ernie Martin ad.
Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.
