I always know it’s the end of the month when Hawaii U.S. Sen. Brian Schatz invades my email inbox begging for nickels and dimes like Jerry Lewis on Labor Day, except without the cute kids.

I’ve never donated to political candidates, but a politician pursuing campaign cash is as hard to shoo away as a Doberman circling the dinner table.

The Schatz specialty is creating false urgency around end-of-month donation goals with dire warnings that pundits are watching for signs of weakness.

Well, I’m a pundit of sorts and I’m assuredly not watching; to the contrary, I’d prefer to look away if accorded the courtesy.

But no such luck.

>> Sept. 28, 7:39 a.m.: A Schatz email entitled “need you to respond” pleads for a minimum donation of $5 to help reach his goal of $15,000 by Sept. 30.

“A few extremist Republicans are holding our government hostage in an attempt to defund Planned Parenthood,” he warns. “There’s no telling what they’ll do next.”

>> Sept. 29, 5:53 a.m.: An “urgent update” from aide Josh Handelman reports Schatz is $4,312 short of his goal as Republicans try to shut down the government. “What can you do? You can give to Senator Schatz.”

>> Sept. 29, 11:56 a.m.: A “sorry to nag” missive from Schatz suggests Planned Parenthood could fall if I don’t donate $5 or more.

>> Sept. 30, 8:44 a.m.: A “breaking” update from Handelman reports Washington is getting tense and Schatz still has $3,123 to go.

The minimum donation is now $15. Who knew the price of buying a U.S. senator goes up if you don’t get in on the early-bird special?

>> Sept. 30, 1:11 p.m.: Team Schatz sends an email that says it’s just to “bump” his pitch back to the top of my inbox.

>> Sept. 30, 3:46 p.m.: Schatz sends a final plea entitled “catching you at a good time?” (Well, if you have to ask … ) He’s $1,276 short and needs me to pony up.

The pleas of poverty would be heart-rending if not for the fact that as of the last filing deadline on June 30, less than halfway through the election cycle, Schatz had $2,005,305 in the bank.

Most came from the big checks of well-heeled special interests, such as $15,000 from the Iwamoto family of Roberts Hawaii, $10,000 from the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers and $5,000 apiece from companies like Hilton and Honeywell.

Against this, the frantic groveling for $1,276 in $5 chunks seemed obnoxious excess, especially when no Democrat or Republican of significance is organizing to run against him.

I once told Schatz I found these solicitations unbecoming and he said, “You understand that this is how a modern political campaign is run, don’t you?”

What’s hard to understand about greedy and annoying?

Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.