We have black holes, zombies, serial whoopee-making and more as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» UCLA physicists using the Keck Observatory on Mauna Kea found a fast-orbiting star that will help them study the black hole at the center of the Milky Way. They’ll employ the same methodology economists use to study Hawaii’s state debt.
» In Jim Donovan’s tenure as University of Hawaii athletic director, he and his staff spent more than $800,000 on such perks as trips to NCAA festivities, entertaining themselves and dignitaries, and limo rides. Our university goes first-class in every way except accomplishment.
» State Sen. Donna Mercado Kim asked embattled UH-Manoa Chancellor Tom Apple to "clarify" statements he made at her hearing on the botched Stevie Wonder concert. Kim’s political philosophy is that when you see a guy hanging himself, give him more rope.
» A pre-Halloween event in Chinatown offered zombie makeovers at prices of $10 for "freshly dead," $20 for "slowly decomposing," $40 for "zombified" and $50 for "rotting corpse." For top UH leadership, it was just come as you are.
» The state is trying to figure out what to do with a 20-foot, battered yellow relic that washed ashore on Hawaii island. Officials thought it might be wreckage from the Japanese tsunami until they saw the markings were in English and said "A New Day in Hawaii."
» Mazie Hirono said voters in her U.S. Senate race against Linda Lingle are looking for a candidate "who has a head and a heart." Until we get one, I guess we’ll have to make do with the candidates we have.
» Native Hawaiian cultural practitioners said Honolulu rail officials must be sensitive in handling burials found along the rail route. They should listen; it could set a precedent for how the burial of the rail project is handled.
» The city will no longer keep any public restrooms in Waikiki open after hours, with those attempting to use the facilities facing $500 fines and possible jail time. When nature calls, call city Parks Director Gary Cabato at 1-800-AINOKEA.
» In a crime described as copycat copulation, a third Hawaii island couple in as many months was arrested for having public sex in broad daylight. It seems obnoxious mating rituals are spreading beyond the island’s coqui frog population.
And the quote of the week … from Leo Meyer, a UCLA researcher studying a black hole from Mauna Kea: "Today, Einstein is in every iPhone, because the GPS system would not work without his theory. What we want to find out is, Would your phone also work so close to a black hole?" UH would send a consultant to the nearest black hole to ask, "Can you hear me now?"
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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.
