Noteworthy happenings went from the illogical to the scatological as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» City rail officials denied that construction of Oahu’s $5.27 billion commuter train is being rushed, arguing we’ve discussed rail for 30 years. By that logic, if a couple discusses having a baby for years before becoming pregnant, it’s OK to hustle the kid out of the womb in the second trimester.

» The transit authority rented a booth at the First Hawaiian Auto Show to hand out coloring books, T-shirts, bags and other gifts to promote the rail project. Security admonished the crowd, "Everybody keep moving. No waste of taxpayers’ money to see here."

» Mayor Peter Carlisle and the City Council squabbled anew over expanding the Sand Island sewage plant, rekindling the prospect of raw sewage sludge being trucked around Oahu when the plant hits capacity. Talk about people who really need to get their s— together.

» The Carlisle administration favors a system that produces fertilizer pellets from the sludge, while the Council prefers to produce energy from the gas. Fertilizer versus gas perfectly summarizes the competing philosophies in Honolulu Hale.

» The city sent a Kahuku couple a $54,000 water bill for an empty lot that used no water. It’s a sneak preview of what we’ll all see if they ever get serious about fixing Oahu’s neglected water and sewer systems.

» A Senate committee gutted a bill intended to prohibit public urination and defecation in Waikiki and replaced it with Gov. Neil Abercrombie’s pet proposal to allow dogs into restaurants. This takes political mess-making to a whole new level.

» Another legislative panel approved a bill that proponents say will push Hawaii toward food self-sufficiency. It’s about time we got our own Spam factory.

» Hawaii Republicans moved their annual Abraham Lincoln Day dinner from his birthday in February to the month of his assassination, April. Local GOP campaigns are known for cutting straight to the death scene.

» Honolulu made the Lumina Foundation’s list of the 20 most highly educated U.S. cities. Their count must include reform school graduates.

» Developer Jeff Stone sold the Makaha Valley Country Club to an investment firm after backing out of a promise to donate the property for education and affordable housing. As Gordon Gekko said, what’s worth doing is worth doing for money.

» And the quote of the week … from Councilwoman Ann Kobayashi in berating administrators on the sewage sludge standoff: "I wish people would just tell us the truth. I hate to be lied to. I like the truth. Whether I like it or not, I like to be told the truth." If she said it with a little more feeling, she’d almost sound like a voter.

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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.