We go from the apocalypse to the absurd as we plant tongue in cheek and “flASHback” on the week’s news that amused and confused:

» Gov. Neil Abercrombie dismissed his critics in the environmental community as “professional naysayers” making “apocalyptic statements.” Ah, the cycle of life. The aging flower child morphs into Spiro Agnew with a beard.

» The Abercrombie administration gave conflicting testimony on whether it supports bills to exempt government projects from environmental review, with some agencies for and others against. When Abercrombie promised a new theory of governance, who knew he meant chaos theory?

» State legislators are threatening to cut back a renewable energy tax credit for home photovoltaic systems, complaining that some homeowners are “gaming the system.” In Hawaii that’s a privilege reserved for legislators.

» The state Senate is moving a bill that would require nonunionized Hawaii employers with more than 100 workers to provide annual sick and “safe” leave. The safe leave is for hiding out when the Legislature is in session.

» A federal judge rejected a challenge to Ha­waii’s gun control laws that ban carrying handguns in public. The lone GOP state senator, Sam Slom, is disappointed that he’ll have to continue facing down the 24 Demo­crats unarmed.

» Claiming that her opponents for a U.S. Senate seat are distorting her record as governor, Linda Lingle posted a new feature on her campaign website called “Fact vs. Myth.” Her years as governor were more like “Alien vs. Predator.”

» Former Gov. Ben Caye­tano, now running for Hono­lulu mayor, sent a “truth squad” of former city and state administrators after Mayor Peter Carlisle. He also came up with a new campaign slogan: “Bring the rascal back.”

» State education officials spent the week trying to convince a visiting federal review team that they’ve made enough progress to save Hawaii’s endangered $75 million Race to the Top grant. For the kids’ sake, here’s hoping they served lots of umbrella drinks with their presentations.

» The Maui Liquor Commission lifted its cap on the number of hostess bars allowed in the county, citing the island’s population growth. We can’t provide housing, roads or jobs for our growing population, but when it comes to lap entertainment, we’re golden.

» It seemed like half of the Hono­lulu police force was out monitoring the “Floatopia” spring break party off Waikiki. The poor Occupy Hono­lulu protesters at Thomas Square lost their only audience.

And the quote of the week … from Abercrombie on criticism that he broke a campaign promise to oppose the Hoo­pili development if elected: “I suppose if someone wants to hang their hat on that, they can, but I don’t really know how efficacious that is.” His critics think “effing outrageous” might be a better term.