It’s crazy how it happens. You’re idly flipping around for something decent to watch on television and suddenly you’re mesmerized by a commercial for a wacky solution to a problem you didn’t know you had.

Now you’ve got two contradictory thoughts:

1. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Only a lunatic would buy that.

2. I wonder if it works. I think I’ll buy that now.

And so I did. I bought and tested five "As Seen on TV" products.

Heavy lifting: The one that sounded the absolute cheesiest, with a high yuck factor, turned out to be a favorite. That was Bare Lifts ("The instant breast lift … but without the surgery"). You slap this sticky crescent on your bare bosom, yank upward and plaster the top half of the thing to your chest. Vavoom, your breasts are 2 inches higher. Call it The Perk-ifier. It works. Don’t let anyone see these in place. The adhesive adds wrinkles (not a good look). But they stayed put while running. And, I know you’re thinking it must kill to remove them, but really, it’s not a problem. Bare Lifts, 10 for $9.99, Walgreens; also barelifts.com

No peeking: On the flip side of breast-related gimmickry is the cover-up Cami Secret, a triangle of lace-trimmed fabric you clip to your bra straps to conceal cleavage in low-cut tops. A YouTube parody of the TV ad calls it a "boob apron." That’s about right.

I could live with the polyester and the nylon/spandex lace, but the deal-breaker was that the thing wouldn’t stay flat. It wrinkled and buckled. Also, the weird garter clips dug into my skin when I wore a seat belt. A full camisole is better. Cami Secret, three for $9.99, camisecret.com

Runneth over? And just in case I wanted to "add a full cup size instantly," there was Strap Perfect, a piece of plastic that turns your regular bra into a racerback. By pulling the straps up and in, it squishes the breasts together, creating cleavage. It works, but I felt like my bra had been yanked toward my chin. If you hate showing your straps, this is a fast fix, but a racerback bra is preferable. Strap Perfect, six for $9.99, kmart.com; also strapperfect.com (or one similar, Strap Solutions, $2.80, Forever 21, forever21.com)

Fright-ful: Just in time for Halloween! When I looked at myself wearing the Bumpits hair accessory, my very first thought? Bride of Frankenstein. Especially lousy for thin hair. Bumpits, set of three, $5.99, Walgreens; also bumpits.com

No sew: You’ve spent a ghastly amount on a pair of jeans, and they’re the perfect length — with heels. But they drag on the ground in flats. Multitask denim with Style Snaps, sticky snap-ons that let you change the length depending on heel height. These are a good option for quickly changing pants length, and are reusable — if you’re careful. Also better than a safety pin to close a gaping blouse. Style Snaps by Hemming My Way, 32 for $10, stylesnaps.net