Let’s see, there are the exit fees from five schools leaving the Mountain West in 2026 … and the poaching penalties from the Pac-12 … and the University of Hawaii no longer having to pay travel subsidies to visiting football teams … and carry the 3 … it appears the Rainbow Warriors are due to net a one-time cut of about $7 million.
The practical thing is to take the kala, put it into a CD and …
Oh, who are we kidding?
The UH athletic department needs to spend the money before it gets suctioned elsewhere. It’s like someone trying to access the monetary gifts from all his childhood birthdays. What do you mean, I benefited from the kitchen renovation, too?
A few suggestions:
>> For years, Upper Campus has been covering the athletic department’s splattering of red ink. How about giving a 10th to several academic programs? It’s a small gesture of thanks … as well as a big diversion from how much is still left on the IOU. Let’s start the tab at $700,000.
>> State officials took away Aloha Stadium for spectator-attended football games, which led to a retrofitted Ching Complex taking away UH’s track, which led to construction plans for a track and soccer complex on what used to be the Lower Campus’ grass practice fields. To come close to the 2025 deadline, the first phase will not include lights for soccer matches. If the goal is to attract students for on-campus matches, evening is the most desirable time slot. How about $300,000 to install temporary lights?
Running tab: $1 million.
>> Screech isn’t just the name of a “Saved By the Bell” character. It’s the sound that emits from the Ching Complex speakers during football games. We’re all for nostalgia, but not the dial-up sound of connecting to the internet. UH can shell out $150,000 for a sound system. Then fans can decipher that the announcer really is saying, “Ku … ku … ” on third down.
Running tab: $1,150,000.
>> 247sports published a list of the average NIL payments for each position in college football. Rush ends are valued at an average of $167,687. We’re feeling both generous and greedy with other people’s money. How about spending $400,000 for two rush ends? The Warriors also could add a tight end for under $50,000. Sure, UH’s offense does not employ a tight end. But at an average of $38,086, it is too good a bargain to ignore. Tight ends can block, catch, serve as decoys, and date world-famous singers.
Running tab: $1,588,086.
>> In 2021, the Pancake Factory initiative assured every Texas Longhorns O-lineman $50,000. The Aloha State is not the Lone Star State, and this isn’t three years ago. But UH can now afford to give 15 blockers $25,000 apiece.
Running tab: $1,963,086.
>> UH is good at hiring coaches and staff members from the continent. But finding first-year housing has been a challenge. UH should rent 10 apartments for newcomers. At $2,500 a month for each one-year lease, that comes out to annual bill of $300,000. Artie Wilson, Spectrum Sports basketball analyst and Realtor, can work out the arrangements.
Running tab: $2,263.086.
>> UH has a nice food and nutrition program. But $1.5 million could buy more food and nutrition.
Running tab: $3,763,086.
>> Nearly every Mountain West athletic department has a juice/smoothie bar. A full-sized NutriBullet blender goes for about $110, probably less on Amazon. UH should buy five of them to keep the lines moving.
Running tab: $3,763,636.
>> For the 50th State Fair and its other events at Aloha Stadium, EK Fernandez Shows rents trailer restrooms. The trailers are clean, air-conditioned, offer hot water, and play music, presumably from good speakers. A spokeswoman who places the orders did not have an exact price. But let’s take the high end, say $100,000 for a football season, to accommodate the low end.
Running tab: $3,863,636.
>> At most stadiums, there’s a know-it-all who spits out real-time stats and down-and-distance situations. He’s cheating. He’s reading the LED ribbon board display, those panels that wrap inside a stadium. Every seat has a view of the display. And more importantly, the players, coaches and refs also can see the updates. (It also avoids a situation like the game against Boise State when an on-field person inadvertently stood in front of the play clock while UH was driving.) At $500 a panel, UH should order 50. Ads can help offset the $25,000 purchase.
Total: $3,888,636.
UH can put the $3 million and change into a rainy-day fund for emergency use. After all, UH’s main campus is in Manoa, where it rains every day.
