The last 12 months have been the deadliest for domestic violence in Hawaii in many, many years. Most recently, there were two domestic violence incidents involving the military community and an Ewa man arrested for attempted murder for allegedly stabbing a woman after a domestic argument.

Looking beyond Oahu and the United States, Olympic long-distance runner Rebecca Cheptegei died earlier this month after her partner doused her with gasoline and set her on fire.

It is truly heartbreaking.

There has never been a greater need to remind our community that everyone must play a role in stopping domestic violence. This is why we support the march.

On Oct. 3, this Thursday, the Domestic Violence Action Center (DVAC) hosts its 30th Annual Men’s March Against Violence on Oahu. Additional awareness events will be on Lanai (Thursday), Maui (Friday) and Kauai (Oct. 10). All the Aloha State efforts are in support of community, state and nationwide initiatives for National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The DVAC’s Men’s March was conceived to encourage everyone to help prevent domestic violence — especially men.

Men who believe they have the right to control and harm their partner or have specific beliefs about domination can contribute to the likelihood they will commit acts of domestic violence. Men must be allies for survivors and role models who tell other men that there’s a better way.

When men take a stand against domestic violence, it has a significant impact on our community. Most men want to help but don’t know how.

One of the men who will share his voice during the march is Steve Baginski, president and CEO of Kaikor Construction Company and immediate past president of the General Contractors Association of Hawaii (GCA). Baginski, DVAC’s “Distinguished Citizen of the Year,” spearheaded GCA’s 2023 Give Back to the Community Program, which raised more than $50,000 for DVAC. His commitment to supporting DVAC is admirable; sadly, his reasons for seeking to raise awareness of domestic violence are horrifying.

Twelve years ago, his sister-in-law, only three years older than his wife and a favorite auntie of his children, was stabbed to death by her husband. As with any loss, his sister-in-law’s murder touched many, many lives far beyond her own family.

>> RELATED: Column: Domestic violence affects us all, a whole community approach is necessary

Often there are warning signs that someone is being subjected to domestic or intimate partner violence, such as visible signs include cuts, scratches and bruises; controlling, jealous and verbally abusive behavior; or behavioral changes.

As a member of the community, if you see something, reach out. One of the best days of my life was when someone told me I was experiencing domestic violence. When they named it, I realized I was not alone. Many, many people want to help.

But what if there aren’t any obvious warning signs? It can be extremely difficult for domestic violence survivors to leave their abusive partners or seek help. Many don’t reach out because they are ashamed. There is the shame of admitting they aren’t as capable as they want people to believe they are and the shame of being unhappy in their own homes. In the military, a culture that emphasizes strength and resilience can make it harder for spouses and service members to admit vulnerability or seek help.

And that is why it is crucial we reduce shame and stigma. The Men’s March is one of the ways we do that. Domestic violence survivors gain strength from knowing people believe in them and don’t want to see them get hurt. And with that strength, they can get the help they need.

If you think you may be experiencing domestic or intimate partner violence, make a call. Don’t wait. DVAC’s confidential helpline is 808-531-3771.

—

GET HELP GETTING OUT

Visit childandfamilyservice.org for a list of hotlines and programs for domestic abuse survivors. The shelters are open 24 hours a day for those seeking a safe space. Child & Family Service and others offer the following domestic violence hotlines, as well:

>> Oahu: (808) 841-0822

>> West Hawaii island: (808) 322-7233

>> East Hawaii island: (808) 959-8864

>> Kauai: (808) 245-6362, operated by the YWCA Crisis Hotline

>> Maui: (808) 579-9581, operated by Women Helping Women

>> Molokai: (808) 567-6888, operated by Moloka‘i Community Service Council

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ACTION CENTER (DVAC):

>> Oahu helpline: (808) 531-3771

>> Toll-free helpline: (800) 690-6200

>> Texting line: (605) 956 5680

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE:

>> National helpline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233); or online at www.thehotline.org

Monique Ibarra is executive director of the Domestic Violence Action Center.