The front door of a home safeguards the privacy of the family living inside. It also conceals what can be terrible tensions and stresses permeating domestic life.
Those forces explode in family violence even more frequently than the public suspects. Monique Ibarra, CEO of the Domestic Violence Action Center, told the Honolulu Star-Advertiser last week that there have been three cases of domestic murder-suicides here in three months, a shocking revelation in itself.
It was particularly stunning to hear of the most recent tragedy, the March 10 case of Paris Oda, which left people reeling in horror. The scale of it — Oda killed his wife and three children before taking his own life in their Manoa home — prompted the community to debate whether there had been any signals that could have led to intervention.
On Friday came the chilling confirmation that all had died of stab wounds, officially declaring the deaths of mother Naoko, 48, and the couple’s kids, ages 10, 12 and 17, as homicides at the hands of Paris Oda, 46. Had there been any way to prevent this?
There may be some illumination on that question, once the Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence completes its planned statewide domestic violence fatality review of the Oda case. It is a necessary process to understand what is knowable about the family dynamic, but even that may not point to any clear-cut fixes.
What it does demonstrate is the need for consistent and broad outreach, communicating that help is available, from suicide-prevention support to safe havens for those feeling threatened and vulnerable.
It also underscores, once again, that mental health services and counseling are crucial elements of well-being, medical care and the social safety net.
Outreach also can take the form of educational campaigns, finding people where they are. These campaigns have run the gamut, from school presentations to advertisements of help lines, displayed on social and conventional media. There also are posted flyers, even in public restrooms and other places where someone may be hiding out.
None of this is new. Most people have seen such warnings in public places already. But it bears reminding the populace and policymakers alike that these initiatives take money, and that blunt cuts to budgets can end with some important programs lying on the floor.
Given the cultural inclinations of Hawaii families toward keeping their private discord away from prying eyes, it does take relentless effort to catch cues that something has gone wrong in a household.
Understanding family killings is a complex undertaking, one that has been the target of research nationally. But while the causes are elusive, the need for support is plain as day. The coalition tracks the number of domestic violence survivors served by its members in a single day; in 2022 the daily count was 847. The calls for help are mounting, experts say, but the resources to help have not kept up.
In the Oda case, reports of the husband’s debt problems point to one significant source of stress. On the other hand, many observers did not see that and perceived him as an engaged, loving father. Neighbors described children riding bikes in the street, believing that all was well.
Child &Family Service (childandfamilyservice.org) reports that family violence is prevalent in 60% of its cases; the agency provides referrals through its website to services that could help someone in crisis.
The lesson here is that if someone sees signs of trouble, it’s critical to act rather than assume others will. Intervening — or finding someone who can do so — could create a pathway out for someone who desperately needs rescuing.
