It’s the last Sunday in July and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:
>> The city has installed 300 smart parking meters in Chinatown, and some 4,000 more are planned elsewhere in Honolulu. Each unit has 100 times the combined IQ of the City Council and doesn’t demand 64% pay raises.
>> The Council is considering a bill to fine citizens $2,000 for lying to city officials. Council members who lie to us are prime candidates for chairperson.
>> Sponsors of the measure said the ban on false statements is especially needed by city planners involved in regulating “monster homes” and other nonconforming structures. If you promise the inspector a bribe, you’d better be good to your word.
>> After raucously celebrating the grand opening of Honolulu rail’s first 11 miles, transit officials were hit by the reality of scant ridership, poor grades for its CEO and a $99.1 million lawsuit from a contractor. As Bob Dylan might describe the situation, it’s a hard train’s a-gonna fall.
>> Gov. Josh Green hinted he’ll appoint former Honolulu Mayor Mufi Hannemann to the Hawaii Tourism Authority board, after naming former Gov. Neil Abercrombie to the University of Hawaii Board of Regents. He’s certainly covered the long and the short of it.
>> Lt. Gov. Sylvia Luke had to get Green to bail her out after she overspent by $49,000 more than her budget allowed on big pay raises for her staff. The trail of political debt in this state has the dark intrigue of a Russian novel.
>> State Senate President Ron Kouchi is king of the pork barrel among local legislators, commanding $144 million for public works projects in his Kauai district. A perfect career path for a guy who boasted about bullying smaller kids for their lunch money.
>> The state is pursuing plans to release mosquitoes on Maui to protect native honeycreepers and deploy pigs on Oahu to eradicate coconut rhinoceros beetles. Whatever it takes to keep the House and Senate busy between sessions.
>> After decades of foul smells, leaks and unsightly algae blooms, lawmakers are still struggling with what to do about the reflecting pools surrounding the state Capitol. All because they didn’t call the Ty-D-Bol Man.
>> A food safety group alleges a large egg farm near Wahiawa is operating “without a manure management plan.” And that, in a nutshell, is the reason for many of our state’s ongoing problems.
>> The UH medical school has paused accepting willed bodies for research because of capacity problems at the morgue. In the meantime, surgery students will learn their chops by cutting ahi for New Year’s Eve.
>> A federal appeals court ruled that a Honolulu man has no constitutional right to say “FCK” on his personalized license plate. The judges were sticklers for correct spelling.
And the quote of the month … from City Council Chairman Tommy Waters on an accusation that $184,000 in campaign donations helped the Kobayashi Group win Council approval of a controversial development: “Campaign donations have no relation to any vote on any matter.” And he wants to fine us for false statements.
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
