It’s the last Sunday in August and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:
>> Democrat Josh Green and Republican James “Duke” Aiona cruised to victory in their primaries for governor and will face off in the general election. With 12 years as lieutenant governor between them, the closest they’ve been to power is the light switch.
>> Green said he and his running mate Sylvia Luke “broke the mold” with a ticket comprised of a doctor and lawyer. The responsibilities are clear: He’ll drive the ambulance and she’ll chase it.
>> Aiona, known for his religious conservatism, will have as his running mate the even more conservative Hilo-based minister Seaula Tupai Jr. If only “amens” counted as votes.
>> Two legislators arrested for drunken driving, Reps. Sharon Har and Matt LoPresti, made it to the general election. Must be more voters are marking their ballots from barstools.
>> Voter turnout fell back below 40% after surging in the first primary by mail in 2020. Novelty becomes insanity when you do the same thing over and expect different results.
>> While votes were fewer, special interests spent more millions of dollars than ever to buy them. You know we’re in trouble when integrity and principle are superseded by supply and demand.
>> State Sen. Chris Lee opposed term limits for legislators, saying it took him six to eight years to figure out how to pass a bill. And we’ve been so well-served by a Legislature of slow learners.
>> Two years into the pandemic, the state Health Department still isn’t fully up with a program to detect local COVID-19 levels by testing sewage. As if we need more proof the state can’t get its s**t together.
>> Amid more reports of lax Navy control of Red Hill fuel tanks, the Board of Water Supply detected oil-related chemicals in a monitoring well. If this keeps up, we’ll have water that can run our cars.
>> With crime surging in Waikiki, Prosecuting Attorney Steven Alm announced a version of his “Weed and Seed” program called “Safe and Sound.” What we really need is “Batman and Robin.”
>> The long-delayed opening of Honolulu rail’s first 10 miles might be put off again because of cracking support pillars. The “Train to Nowhere” can’t even make it halfway there.
>> Vice President Kamala Harris was surprised by two Kauai eighth graders who interrupted her Hanalei beach lounging to demand action on Red Hill. It was more attention than the VP gets in Washington.
>> Residents of Aina Haina, Manoa and Kaneohe complained of wild pigs digging up their yards and scrounging for food. If you think they have it bad, consider the folks who live near the Capitol.
And the quote of the month … from U.S. Sen. Brian Schatz at the Democrats’ post-primary unity breakfast: “Primaries are family fights, and the worst of them are really painful because you love each other.” Nothing says “love” like scrambled eggs oozing through clenched teeth.
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
