April’s foolery is done, and it’s time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:
>> After promising reform following bribery convictions of two colleagues, state legislators backed away from calls to ban political fundraising while in session. It’s like asking pigs to stop rolling in dung.
>> In other barnyard politics, a bill to end the messy, noisy nuisance of feral poultry in Hawaii is drawing pushback in the Legislature. Lawmakers feel they owe the chickens full professional courtesy.
>> State Sen. Chris Lee wants state employees to work four days a week. Employee unions protest it’s unfair to ask more work of them.
>> A University of Hawaii leader said a Senate budget draft for UH that singled out employees for firing or pay cuts was “punitive.” Sen. Donna Mercado Kim took offense; she was aiming for vindictive.
>> Civic groups are throwing fermented mud balls called genki into the Ala Wai Canal to rid it of toxic muck. If it works, they’ll throw genki at the Capitol.
>> Gov. David Ige said his COVID-19 plan is changing from emergency response to management. He’ll shift from “wait-and-see” to “see-and-wait.”
>> Businesses praised 20% pay raises for CEOs as a sign the economy is growing, but panned a modest minimum wage increase as a financial drag. It’s the new aloha economy: The rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the middle class flees to Vegas.
>> Rail CEO Lori Kahikina said federal officials are open to plans to stop the train short of Ala Moana Center and gushed, “This has only happened once before — Puerto Rico.” That would be the Puerto Rico that’s preceding us in bankruptcy.
>> Facing drought and fallout from the Red Hill water contamination crisis, Honolulu Water Board Manager Ernie Lau declared, “I pray for rain every day.” We can only hope his engineering education also included rain dances.
>> Hawaii is the worst state to work from home, according to WalletHub. Except for U.S. Rep. Kai Kahele, who gets $174,000 from his Washington job while staying home to work his second job as a Hawaiian Airlines pilot.
>> Lt. Gov. Josh Green’s campaign for governor is getting a major boost from union endorsements — especially public workers. Beware politicians’ debts that must be repaid from your pocket.
>> Gubernatorial rival Vicky Cayetano accused Green of stealing her housing plan. She’s thinking of retaliating by stealing his stethoscope.
>> Former Honolulu Mayor Kirk Caldwell is running an ad in his underdog campaign for governor headlined, “Where should rail transit end?” He might not be the underdog if he’d ended it in 2011.
>> Hawaii has the highest per-capita incidence in the nation of people dangerously aiming laser pointers at aircraft. Proving once more that we’re second to none when it comes to idiots.
And the quote of the month … from state Comptroller Curt Otaguro on previous legislative plans to finance a new Aloha Stadium: “It went everywhere — upside down, inside out, backward, forward.” The Legislature’s new plan assures it can only go sideways.
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
