What is the real job of a parent or guardian? As every parent knows, when a child is born, he/she doesn’t arrive with a booklet of what to do as a new parent which is why Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii believes in helping to educate the “new parent.”

It’s your job as a mom or dad to teach your kids how to function as productive members of society. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not your job to make them happy all the time.

Instead, you should learn what nurturing parenting skills look like, so you don’t accidentally spoil them rotten.

A good parent spends a lot of energy on their child’s upbringing. They support their hopes and dreams while helping them define their interests and values. That’s sometimes why nurturing parenting gets mixed up with spoiling.

You see, adults can nurture a child by using positive reinforcement, truthful compliments, and clear boundaries. Their instruction on healthy coping mechanisms is important, as well.

Nurtured children feel more competent and self-confident as a result, while spoiled children constantly have needs that aren’t getting met.

Parents who properly nurture their children get to enjoy more good times than bad. On top of that, their kids are happier and more resilient to change. In short, cultivating your kids through responsible leadership looks a lot like a big happy family.

We know it’s hard not to spoil your kids because they’re so stinking cute. Then again, it’s not so cute when they’re throwing a fit in the middle of the grocery store. But did you know that you could be spoiling your kids instead of nurturing them without even knowing it? Be honest and see if you’re guilty of any of these parenting fails:

>> Giving them everything they want without making them work for it.

>> Offering gifts as a way to receive respect or affection.

>> Throwing out idle threats in exchange for improved behavior.

>> Negotiating rules and expectations.

>> Bribing with treats for better outcomes.

>> Hiding information for fear of outbursts.

>> Constantly choosing their wants over the needs of others.

Don’t feel bad if you spoil instead of nurture; just start making changes right away. You can practice nurturing parenting without being mean. We promise.

Being a nurturing parent often means showing your kids how to behave without your input or influence. But spoiled or neglected kids seldom know what to do without being told.

So, here’s how to practice nurturing parenting without leaving them wanting or whining:

>> Learn their love language because every person is different, including your child.

>> Acknowledge their feelings. Just because you don’t agree doesn’t mean you can’t help them feel better.

>> Create a routine or tradition. Then, make a big deal about it so they feel important.

>> Let the community help. After all, you’re only one person and sometimes you need help.

>> Teach them self-care. This proactive approach ensures your child feels loved while remaining healthy.

Remember to set boundaries and communicate your expectations, as well. And if you teach them the right life skills, then your nurtured kids will grow up to be nurturing adults.

You don’t have to be a perfect person to practice nurturing parenting skills. You just have to love your kids in all the right ways. And sometimes, that means doling out a little tough love.

Robert Raasch-Barajas is the executive director of Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii.