When I was growing up in the ’80s, I was truly free. Once I left the house, my parents and I had no way of contacting each other until the end of the day. If I encountered a problem, I had to figure out a solution independently, without the crutch of texting Mom or consulting Google. The only time I called my parents for help (collect, on a payphone) was on the rare occasion I felt my life was in danger.

My independence wasn’t due to some special baby-boomer parenting technique; it was simply a result of growing up without smartphones. Today, a significant body of research highlights the numerous pitfalls of technology for youth, like anxiety, depression and social isolation, but a glaring new consequence is emerging: delayed adulthood.

And it’s not their fault. Parents, stop texting your kids constantly!

The two most common excuses I hear from students using phones in class are: “I have to text my parents” or “My parents are texting me.” What can a teacher say to that? Nothing. It’s airtight. Are these parental messages urgent? Rarely. It’s usually something like, “What time will you be home?” or “How are you getting home?” or “Are you going to practice after school?” One student even tells me, “My mom just wanted to say hi.” When a message is truly urgent, parents call the school office. While some students may use this excuse disingenuously, most do not.

I’ve discussed this issue with several parent friends who argue that they need to contact their kids during the school day. One parent explained that her daughter has anxiety, and she wants to be available if her daughter needs support.

However, public schools have resources to help students. Decades of research and policy have resulted in institutions that support students with accommodations, modifications, trained educators, counselors and on-campus behavioral health specialists. Helping diverse learners navigate the school day is our job. We take care of your kids during the day, and you take care of them at night and on weekends. That’s the partnership that builds well-rounded individuals.

A 2022 study published in Emerging Adulthood shows a clear link between parental behaviors that restrict autonomy during adolescence and parental dependency in adulthood. While economic and cultural factors contribute to this dependency, technology plays a key role by enabling constant connection and overreliance on parents. Researchers argue that this constant contact can be a form of psychological control, even if the messages (a morning heart emoji or midday check-in) seem harmless.

In Hawaii, some private schools ban personal devices during school hours, but that’s not feasible for public schools. Smartphones are often the only technology available to public school students. As a public school English teacher, I’m in a difficult position. Much of my students’ work requires internet access, and our school utilizes technology for assignments and instruction through Google Classroom. Furthermore, the Hawaii Department of Education emphasizes developing tech-savvy learners, making analog assignments impractical.

The most viable solution is for parents to unsnap the technological leash. Instead of constantly texting your keiki, allow them the freedom to make their own choices and act on their own motivations, even if those differ from yours. Encourage autonomy and self-determination by giving them space to make mistakes and find their own solutions while they are safely at school under the care of dedicated educators.

Brooke Nasser is a teacher at Kalani High School.