I helped someone die. And it weighs on me periodically when I’m in deep thought and thinking about my mother-in-law (MIL) who was my father-in-law’s partner. She was close to 90 years old and had been a part of our family for many decades, but had been declining for a few years.

My MIL spoke to me many times over the years about the importance of quality of life. She had lived a full life with her loving husband and had traveled the world. She never had children of her own, but she became a part of our family later in her life after her husband had passed. She appointed me medical power of attorney because she and I were in agreement about what kind of life is worth living.

In her decline, she ended up in a hospital bed in her bedroom, unable to get to the restroom on her own or walk at all, and unable to enjoy reading or watching shows. She was in God’s waiting room, just hoping for her number to be called. Then she asked me for help.

In Hawaii, medical aid in dying is legal. Our Care Our Choice Act in Hawaii (OCOCA) was signed into law in 2018, Medical aid in dying allows a mentally capable adult with six months or fewer to live to request a prescription for medication that they can take to determine how and when they will pass. They must be able to self-administer the medication without help.

Ninety-one patients received aid-in-dying prescriptions in 2023. Some choose to use the prescription right away, others wait until conditions are less bearable, and some never use the prescription at all.

A family member began the process by phoning my MIL’s doctor, who verified that her wishes had been well documented in her medical records from previous years.

She had five different in-person visits by medical professionals. Some of them asked to speak to her in private to ensure she was not getting pressure from the family to use medical aid in dying. And with each visit, she verified that she was tired, miserable, uncomfortable and did not feel that her quality of life warranted many months of wait time. She was ready.

There was opposition from a few in her circle, but she was sure. Although my MIL was ready and wanted relief, it takes a lot of bravery to say, “It’s time, hand me the glass.” And so, she was brave. She wanted it to be very private, so it was just myself and one family member present. The grandkids had visited or called from distant places to say their goodbyes in the prior days. She knew we loved her, and we knew she loved us.

We waited until she had an empty stomach, had her take the anti-nausea medication and then waited an hour to give her the glass of juice with the medication stirred in. I held her hand and spoke to her about her husband, her dog and all the people that loved and cared for her. She fell asleep within 30 seconds. She was in a coma for about nine hours, a family member and myself sitting by her side and having good conversations all through the night. She passed away at 6 a.m., ready to join her husband and her beloved dog that had died a few years prior.

Although medical-aid-in-dying can be controversial, for some people, it gives relief and comfort. My mother-in-law’s number was called, and she was able to exit that waiting room on her terms, with dignity, and with a lot less suffering.

Tina Shaffer is a career public high school teacher who’s lived on the Windward side for more than 50 years.