“Who Am I.” That’s the title and the theme of the debut single by Taboo Zero, a compelling, dark, electric pop song that paints a portrait of a woman’s journey through emotional self-assessment and her quest for personal identity.
It was released Sept. 29 on all streaming platforms.
“It’s about identity and accepting that sometimes you need to take all the wrong paths to find yourself,” said Taboo Zero, aka Maria Timchenko. “Only when you’re at your most vulnerable state do you discover your own strength and find your own voice.
“(The song) is about discovering who you are and accepting yourself with all the flaws that you are. I struggled so long with self-identity plus past trauma, and this is kind of like a conclusion to acceptance of myself, but it’s also a new chapter that says, ‘Hey, it’s OK to make mistakes and it’s OK to not be OK.’ When I wrote the song, I tried to connect with the deepest depths of myself.”
The song almost didn’t happen. Timchenko, a 2014 Mililani High School graduate, was well on her way to earning a bachelor’s degree in public administration, with a focus on justice, when a sudden health emergency confronted her with dark thoughts of her own mortality — “I thought that I was dying.”
When Timchenko recovered, she reassessed her career plans. She graduated with her degree as planned, but decided to focus on building a career in music. The next step was enrolling in the University of Hawaii Music and Entertainment Learning Experience program at Honolulu Community College.
The MELE program offers two degree-track programs, in audio engineering and the business side of the music and entertainment industry. Timchenko enrolled in the music business program, but she also wrote, recorded and released “Who Am I” with support from assistant professor Eric Lagrimas, singer and songwriter J.Lyn, and MELE student arranger and studio engineer Alika Galbayo.
Lagrimas, a member of the MELE faculty since the program was created in 2007, said “it’s not a common occurrence” for a MELE student to step forward as a professional recording artist while still enrolled in the program.
“She’s basically taking what she’s learning and applying it already,” he said. “But if you’re ready, and you got all your ducks lined up in a row, by all means, go for it.”
The next big step for Timchenko is attending the National Association of Music Merchants business and trade show in Anaheim, Calif., in January. Attendance is restricted to music industry professionals, and Timchenko is looking forward to networking there.
Taking the long view, she envisions music as her full-time profession. She hopes that her music, with its frank and honest depiction of her battle with mental illness, will help others dealing with depression and trauma.
Timchenko selected her stage name, Taboo Zero, to reflect that intention. She said “taboo” has the same meaning in Russian, her first language, as in English, and she chose the word because discussion of mental health and mental illness still is considered “taboo” by many people.
“‘Who Am I’ is a story that I tell (about my recovery),” she said. “I know who I am now, and I want to take my music journey to explain it.”
Timchenko said without the support of MELE, she could not have made the recording.
“Through the MELE program, I was able to reach my little girl dreams that I never thought were possible. Sometimes, taking a look in the mirror and reevaluating your choices, your path, is the best thing that you can do to yourself. Then just commit and not be afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. When we decide to commit, and work hard enough, dreams really do come true. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true.”
Contact Taboo Zero at taboozeromusic@gmail.com.