Beginning on Wednesday, Hawaii lawmakers will start mulling what they think we need.
Whatev.
What we really want is to legalize some form of gambling in Hawaii.
Oh, we can tsk-tsk here and tsk-tsk there. But most of us love to gamble — financially, emotionally, pridefully.
We bet on golf holes, on birth announcements (“who had 7 pounds, 2 ounces?”), on Merrie Monarch performances.
We drool, like Pavlov’s dog, when we hear the “Wheel … of … Fortune” chant a minute after Joe Moore’s sign-off.
There’s a reason the Omni de-boarding area at Harry Reid International Airport has rows of wheelchairs, like an Indy start. Retired local folks will find a way to Vegas to play the double-bonus poker machines.
Free tacos are the reason University of Hawaii basketball fans root for that 62nd point.
It starts when we’re young (“last one in is a rotten egg”) and goes to get-off-my-lawn age. At my late mother’s assisted-living complex, residents would play bingo for canned goods. Nothing like the humming of “We Are the Champions” while hoisting corned beef or Spam.
Newspapers print point spreads. It was Football Fever, not just their rugged attractiveness, why the mugs of sports editor Curtis Murayama and columnist Dave Reardon appeared weekly during the fall.
One of the most clipped features in a sports section is the NCAA Tournament bracket.
Our need to wager is why a lifelong 49ers fan will root for a Ram and his fantasy-football points. It is why Auntie uses her mind’s abacus to calculate the number of M&M’s in a jar at the baby shower. It is why the okole-dialing uncle can figure out how to use his iPhone stopwatch to time the national anthem at the Super Bowl party. (Easy-money tip: Always bet the “over” when anybody from “The Voice” sings.)
Legalizing gambling would create a symbiotic partnership. Winning participants would get a rush, the state would get moolah from taxes and the juice. The revenue could go toward public schools, the University of Hawaii, affordable-housing construction, assisting the homeless, patching our streets …
Constituents are reasonable people, and we know there should be limits. While the two lawmakers propose making sports betting and poker legal on Oahu, this is a way to make it work:
>> Gambling in Hawaii should be limited to sports betting.
While lotteries and scratch-off could produce more revenue for the state, the number of winners would be lower. Because we’re a crab-in-the-bucket society, we wouldn’t cheer for the neighbor who wins the lotto jackpot, anyway. Sports-only wagering eliminates the envy factor. By not including table games, there would be no need to build casinos. And poker should be kept as an activity among friends, where trading lies and pulling off bluffs are greater rewards than the pot.
>> Implement a betting cap.
One of the arguments against gambling is to protect those susceptible to blowing their entire Friday paychecks by Friday night. Let’s assume we’re our braddah’s keeper — a cap of, say, $200 a week, would curb outrageous betting. Wagers would be placed in person at one of the state-run facilities. Requiring a social-security number and valid ID would prevent using different names to circumvent the cap. Wagers also would be placed with a credit card, which would ensure betting within a person’s means — and credit score. The credit-card company will tell you when you’ve bet enough. And the losers get to keep their kneecaps intact.
>> No betting on Hawaii teams or individuals.
It’s just better optics not to be able to wager on local high schools, the University of Hawaii, or Little League games. There’s still Vegas for that.
Could some form of legal gambling work in Hawaii? Probably.
Is it something many people would embrace? You can bet on it.
