Nobody wants to read about political foibles on Christmas morning, so instead I share with you some of my favorite quotations about the holidays:
>> “You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
>> “One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas Day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” — Andy Rooney
>> “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know … the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
>> “It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel
>> “You can just hear Santa saying ‘Ho, ho, ho’ when you receive your credit card statement in January.” — Kate Summers
>> “Holiday lights should be festive while at the same time not encouraging aircraft to land.” — Charles Lake
>> “Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.” — Richard Lamm
>> “Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — Dennis Miller
>> “Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant.” — The Grinch
>> “You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
>> “You can’t fool me — there ain’t no Sanity Clause!” — Chico Marx
>> “I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was 6. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
>> “I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.” — Dick Gregory
>> “The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.” — Julius Sharpe
>> “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno
>> “Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
>> “I celebrate everyone’s religious holidays. If it’s good enough for the righteous, it’s good enough for the self-righteous.” — Bette Midler
>> “Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
>> “As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December’s bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.” — Donald E. Westlake
>> “There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips
>> “The two most joyous times of the year are Christmas morning and the end of school.” — Alice Cooper
>> “I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up; they have no holidays.” — Henny Youngman
>> “Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” — Mark Twain
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
