I wasn’t ready for these feelings: The sadness and misery set in within seconds after my husband and I dropped off our oldest daughter one weekday morning at school.
She was off to the North Shore with her sixth-grade classmates for a three-day, two-night camping trip, her first trip on her own and away from the rest of her family.
In the weeks and days leading up to camp, I was so busy preparing with her — going over her packing list, shopping, doing laundry, labeling, packing — that I didn’t have time to thoroughly process what
it would be like for her to be away from us for the first time. And that was probably a good thing because I would have hated to be a mess in front of her.
It wasn’t until after she walked away when we dropped her off — her huge duffel bag making her look so tiny, so fragile, so needing her mommy — that I was finally overcome by emotions.
I didn’t expect to feel so down, but her absence was surprisingly noticeable. There was one less person under our roof; her empty bed and empty chair at the dining table made me feel empty, too. I missed her, and that was just after Day One.
Aside from the anguish, there was anxiety, too.
Will she eat enough? Will she remember to apply sunscreen? Will she be too cold at night? Will there be an awful freak accident during their zip-lining activity? Ack!
What eased my fears was knowing she was in good hands, with teachers and camp leaders I was confident would keep her and her classmates under close watch and safe at all times. I also found comfort in the fact that she was just a 44-minute drive away. (Yes, I looked it up online.)
And it helped to know that she was probably having an amazing time — maybe the time of her life — bonding with her classmates, overcoming fears during challenging exercises and just doing all those fun camp activities, like making s’mores and singing around a campfire.
In the end, I managed to get through those three long days. My two younger daughters and work helped keep me occupied. My oldest came home sun-kissed and happy, chattering away about all the awesome things she did. Her trip was a new learning experience for her, and for me, too.
I know in the coming years there will be more school camping trips and possibly extended travels to the mainland and abroad. I have my other daughters who will be
going on these trips, as well.
Then there’s college.
But I’m not ready for any of those feelings right now. At the
moment, I’m just happy we’re all under one roof again.
“She Speaks” is a column by women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Zenaida Serrano at zserrano@staradvertiser.com.