Pull-on pants, where have you been all my life?

It’s a little embarrassing that such a simple thing could send me over the moon, but that pretty much illustrates the struggle many women face in finding pants that fit — and maybe how boring my life is that I get excited about elastic-waist bottoms.

My longtime denim jeans were getting a bit droopy in certain regions and the zipper wouldn’t stay zipped, so it was time to shop for a replacement for this wardrobe staple. Anyone with a pear-shaped figure can attest that fit is always a problem when it comes to jeans. If it fits fine in the rump you can bet there’ll be a large gap in the back of the waistband. It’s just the way it is.

While cruising the racks at Macy’s, I grabbed a pair of Charter Club slim-leg, dark denim jeans, thinking it was the real McCoy. It had classic styling with a (faux) zipper placket and pockets with metal gussets, belt loops and everything you expect to see in genuine jeans. It also had a well-disguised elastic waistband and stretchy fabric. (If there has been a more impactful technological advance in the fashion industry than spandex, I am not aware of it.)

I decided to try them on.

In. Cred. Ible.

The jeans fit everywhere, and they don’t sag at the knees or under my bum as the day wears on. They expand and contract as needed, eliminating the need for alteration and self-inflicted fat shaming. I bought more of these miracle pants in different styles and colors and raved about them to anyone who would listen.

No more fumbling with hooks, buttons and zippers during bathroom breaks or grabbing the sides of my pants and yanking them up throughout the day as they slide down my hips.

I said bye to the fly for good and never looked back, except to check out my rear in the mirror.

All this might not sound like a big deal to the current yoga-pants generation, but for my kind, we associate elastic-waist bottoms with the rough double-knit slacks our aunties wore with sensible shoes.

Pull-on pants are an admission that as we get older (and creakier, wrinklier, etc.), and as gravity takes its toll, we are more willing to compromise on the fashion front in the name of comfort and convenience. Now, while browsing the racks, I find myself side-eyeing clothes I would not have been caught dead in just a few scant years ago.

Granny panties, for one, and those sturdy support systems I like to call Brunhilde bras — items you won’t find at Victoria’s Secret.

Also, swimsuits with skirts and “walking shoes” … with Velcro.

And it’s not just women. I’ve noticed my husband has been favoring elastic-waist bottoms for many occasions. In his case they’re called gym shorts.

“She Speaks” is a weekly column by women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@staradvertiser.com.