Late one afternoon 20 years ago, I was walking to the office of my daughter’s elementary school after parking the car to drop off some papers or something. I’ve since forgotten exactly why I was there but what happened that afternoon was seared into my memory.

My kids were at my side as I started up the steps leading to the administration building. Then my daughter let loose a blood-curdling scream. It was the kind of scream that tells you something really bad is happening.

My 3-year-old son had been carrying a small ball and it had gotten out of his tiny hands and was bouncing toward the busy street outside the school entrance. As any 3-year-old would do, he chased after it. I was oblivious to all this until I heard my daughter scream. Even at a full sprint there was no way I was going to reach him before he got to the road. As I charged toward him, I watched helplessly as my little boy, eyes focused on the bouncing ball and arms outstretched to try to catch it, ran out onto the street.

It was nothing short of a miracle that at that precise moment, before I could scoop him up, there was no traffic passing by. I was shaken beyond words and felt physically ill. (I still get a little queasy talking about it.)

All this happened in a span of 10 seconds. Ten seconds.

There were a handful of other times over the years when I experienced this sort of heart-pounding parent panic — anyone with kids knows what I’m talking about.

Was I a bad mom for these momentary lapses that endangered my children? When taken on balance with everything else I did to raise my kids, I don’t think so.

Is the Cincinnati Zoo mom a bad mom? We don’t know enough about her and about what happened Saturday, when her 3-year-old son fell into a gorilla exhibit, to make that judgment. But I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt because I know how easy it is for children — especially little boys! — to spoil your best-laid plans for a safe outing.

I am far more troubled by the vicious mom shaming that happens whenever something like this makes headlines, inciting social media trolls. For goodness’ sake, an online petition was launched to demand authorities investigate the zoo mom’s fitness as a parent.

Here’s a question you rarely hear asked in these cases: Where was the dad?

Maybe he was working. Or playing golf. (Feeling a little defensive, dads, when the glare is on you?) Either way, lets acknowledge that in most families, mothers are the ones who spend the most time with their young children, the ones who chaperone the field trips, take care of business at school, venture out from home for medical checkups, play dates and library storytimes.

Already subjected to relentless shaming when it comes to breastfeeding, nutrition, child care, working and other parenting issues, do we really need to pile on those moms — and dads — who love their kids and are doing their best but find themselves at the center of a near tragedy or worse?

Because it only takes 10 seconds or less for it to happen to you.

“She Speaks” is a weekly column by women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Christie Wilson at cwilson@staradvertiser.com.