I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. So much so that it’s not even an app on my iPhone. I have to log in every time I’m feeling niele and want to snoop around to see if Ku‘uipo is still dating Junior Boy.
A wise man (ahem, my editor) once told me that Facebook is a reflection of “the life people want to live.”
Perhaps my indifference is based on a perception that it is all a facade — at least a big part of it — and that people only show the world what they want the world to see: a highlight reel of their lives that’s meant to impress.
The numerous hiking selfies, #luckywelivehi, the daily workouts (#fitlife), celebratory occasions and the countless bathroom mirror selfies that need #nofilter because you #slay.
The lovers of food, puppies and, dare I say … themselves.
Yes, we know you (heart) rainbows and can’t believe how lucky you are to be married to your “best friend,” have the “greatest kids” and live the all-around perfect life.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful that people are becoming more outdoorsy, living in the moment and taking advantage of all the natural beauty Hawaii has to offer. And it’s great that more and more of them are living healthier lives, celebrating accomplishments and giving shout-outs to the people they love.
It’s the superficial part that bugs me.
The constant self-promotion and selling of ourselves online — the most positive versions, of course.
Numerous studies link narcissism to frequent Facebook status updates, posts of moi and messages glorifying oneself. (I’m not gonna front. I, too, am guilty of posting the most flattering, vanity angle in my profile picture.)
I can forgive a self-absorbed teenager or even a 20-something for barraging my online feed with pictures of their pretty faces. But for middle-aged adults, well, that just screams desperate for attention.
The attention-seeking sometimes gets ugly.
A scorned woman detailing her cringe-worthy divorce months after posting love notes online to her significant other. And then publicly shaming her ex for his new relationship with a younger chick. It’s like watching a trashy reality TV show: You can’t help but log on for the next episode.
Then you have the over-sharers (you know who you are). Foodies who think everyone is interested in what they ate for breakfast. Mothers who chronicle every single moment of their child’s existence. And the recent onslaught of network marketers who want you to join their fabulous team so that you too can be a “boss lady.”
I understand the benefits of social media and its ability to reach the masses. I get that it helps people cultivate relationships, feel validated and included in the fabric of the community. But I deal with enough BS IRL (in real life).
Must I waste time sifting through it in the virtual world? Do I really need hundreds of online friends who lack meaningful relationships? Whatever happened to quality over quantity?
I may have fewer Facebook friends after this post. But at least it portrays my real, authentic self. Pretty or not.
She Speaks” is a weekly column by women writers of the Honolulu Star-Advertiser. Reach Kristen Consillio at kconsillio@staradvertiser.com.
