Our humble public servants were anything but as we plant tongue in cheek and "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» Moving into full re-election mode, Gov. Neil Abercrombie issued a statement taking credit for ending the Great Recession, clearing the state debt, fixing our schools, improving our health, painting the environment green and saving our farmers. Now he can devote his second term to finding Amelia Earhart.
» According to the Economic Policy Institute in Washington, D.C., a family of four in Honolulu must earn nearly $78,000 a year just to live modestly. Abercrombie can’t live modestly no matter how much he makes.
» A study by the beverage company Honest Tea ranked Hawaii in a tie for the most honest state in the nation, with West Virginia scoring as the least honest. The results may have been skewed if West Virginia’s Legislature was in session and ours was in recess.
» Mayor Kirk Caldwell, his paddleboard in tow, held a media event at Waikiki’s Kuhio Beach to sign bills banning smoking at city parks and bus stops. It must do wonders for state tourism when visitors who come here for a vacation from their own grandstanding politicians are subjected to ours.
» The mayor and City Council exempted golf courses from the strict smoking ban at city parks. We mustn’t inconvenience lawmakers and lobbyists when they move their smoke-filled rooms outdoors.
» The local Democratic Party is pursuing sanctions against state Sen. Mike Gabbard and Rep. Sharon Har for introducing a constitutional amendment on traditional marriage. They’re accused of breaking party rules that prohibit independent thinking.
» U.S. Sen. Brian Schatz and his primary election opponent, U.S. Rep. Colleen Hanabusa, held competing fundraisers at the same Washington, D.C., hotel on the same night. It’s rare for Senate candidates to get auctioned off side by side.
» David Lassner, the University of Hawaii’s information technology chief, is being tapped as interim UH president while the Board of Regents searches for a permanent replacement for M.R.C. Greenwood. An IT guy is a perfect fit to handle the university’s most immediate needs: debug, defragment and get rid of the bloatware.
» A Kauai man who almost drowned when a 230-pound ahi tuna he was reeling in capsized his boat was castigated by the animal-rights group PETA for being mean to our finny friends, and the group suggested he give up fishing and become a vegan. PETA must stand for Pretentious Extremists Touting Absurdity.
And the quote of the week … from Harrison Rue, the city’s new transit-oriented development boss: "I’m basically a neighborhood guy at my heart. We basically use transit as an excuse to make great neighborhoods." I thought it was an excuse to make developers all jiggy.
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Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.
