The pols turn their birthdays into paydays as we "flASHback" on the week’s news that amused and confused:
» Gov. Neil Abercrombie will celebrate his 74th birthday by selling tables for up to $12,000 at a June 21 fundraiser. Another bearded fellow whose birthday was of note got three wise men bearing gifts. Abercrombie is going for 3,000 lobbyists bearing cash.
» Former Gov. Linda Lingle made a spectacle of her 59th, holding five fundraising birthday bashes on four islands. Money can’t buy you love, but it might buy a U.S. Senate seat.
» The Office of Elections was flooded with candidates at the filing deadline for the 2012 election. Clerks sped things along by setting up an express line for hopefuls who had U.S. Sen. Daniel Inouye’s blessing.
» Some actuarial experts say we may have to work until 80 to maintain the retirement benefits we’ve been promised. If Dan Inouye is forced into early retirement, who’s going to tell us who to vote for?
» Candidates reported increasing instances of vandals defacing their campaign signs with permanent markers. Some clever office-seekers are trying to foil the vandals by printing signs with the mustaches and beards already drawn in.
» The City Council moved a bill to allow petting zoos in city parks so the public can interact with chickens, goats and other barnyard animals. It’s for the convenience of folks who can’t make it to Council meetings.
» A city rail consultant rallied a group called Filipinos for Rail to target Councilman Romy Cachola and "make sure he is for rail." Mufi Hannemann is gone from the transit wars, but his legacy of "I look like you, you look like me" lives on.
» Hawaii is among 47 states that will stop serving the ground beef products known as "pink slime" in school lunches. If plain old gray slime was good enough for us, it’s good enough for our kids.
» Public school teachers are nervous about a new evaluation system that gives students as young as 5 a voice in grading them. To keep it simple, kids give their favorite teachers a red apple, the grouchy ones a crab apple and those who flunk them a horse apple.
» The Hawaiian Humane Society’s puppy posse tracked down David Lee Becker in Las Vegas for extradition on 153 counts of animal cruelty at a Waimanalo puppy mill. I’d say A&E has found its replacement for "Dog the Bounty Hunter."
And the quote of the week … from mayoral candidate Kirk Caldwell on rival Ben Cayetano’s bus plan: "I don’t call it a plan. I don’t call it a half-baked plan. I call it an unbaked plan. It’s really no plan at all." How can he decide on a transit solution if he can’t even decide on an insult?
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com or blog.volcanicash.net.
