I have worked in the addiction field in Hawaii for 35 years and facilitated the Family Program at Hina Mauka Recovery Center in Kaneohe for 12 years.
I know well the impact that addiction has on the family and the suffering that families experience while their addicted family member is focusing on their drug of choice.
So I read with interest last month’s article, "Epidemic Coming," by Rob Perez (Star-Advertiser, June 22). Whether an epidemic is coming or is already here, I certainly agree that drug addiction and drug abuse are very serious public health problems.
While treatment programs focus on the addict, it is also important to understand that addiction is a significant issue for families and has serious consequences. Families struggling with addiction need help with the stress and chaos that addiction brings.
People attending the family classes at Hina Mauka shared how they struggled with feelings of shame, hurt, anger and confusion related to having an addict in the family. They said this made it difficult to reach out for help and, as a result, by the time they started attending the class and spoke openly about the issues drug use created in their families, they were stressed out, isolated and exhausted.
We found that it was common for family members to put so much time and energy into trying to help the addict that their own life started to shrink, and they began to lose sight of their own needs and interests. Many times it was the non-addicted family members that were seeing a doctor for some condition related to the stress of addiction in their family.
There is a temptation for family members to think they must be instrumental in creating a cure for the addict. We found this was especially true for parents of addicts, whether the addict is 16 or 46. Family members would try harder and harder to find a solution, as they believed it was their job as parents to find the key to overcoming their loved one’s addiction.
Trying to fix the addict is a trap for members of the family because it prevents them from seeking the type of assistance that might be helpful, both to themselves and the addict.
We found that what was most helpful was for family members to learn the skills needed to be able to respond to addiction in a healthy way. These include learning to create and maintain healthy boundaries with the addict; finding and using appropriate support; managing the loss of trust; giving up trying to control outcomes for the addict; and improve communication with the addict and other family members.
Once these skills are learned, many family members can make important progress in improving their lives and their relationship with their addicted family member. They can learn to stop reacting from fear and instead respond to the addict with a plan that is based on accurate information and new skills.
It is important for family members to understand that they can begin their own process of recovery regardless of whether the addict is willing to seek treatment.
When they decide to take back their own lives and make changes, the addicts take notice — and this often leads to the addicts adjusting their own behaviors.
