I have been Googling brothels on Hotel Street. I wanted to know what legalized prostitution looked like in Honolulu. I found photos of lines to brothels that hugged entire blocks. During World War II, 250,000 men patronized prostitution in the area each month. Then I came across an image that sank my heart because I had seen a similar one before — my American grandfather in sailor uniform, with all hands on the deck of a half-naked Hawaiian woman in front of a painted backdrop of paradise.

Many of us are connected to the sex trade in ways too embarrassing, painful or risky to talk about.

In July, the Commission on the Status of Women supported the release of a first-of-its kind study on the prevalence of online sex buying in Hawaii. Aided by the nation’s lead research center on sex trafficking and dozens of interviews from within the sex trade world, the report gave a statistical snapshot of local sex buyers. We found that Hawaii has a significantly more robust demand for paid sex than other major U.S. cities such as Chicago and Boston. One in seven men on Oahu search for paid sex online.

Men have not been seriously interrogated in discussions about the sex trade. Neither has the troubling power dynamics between men buyers and those serving their sexual desires. There is still little stigma attached to men’s behavior— it’s seen as victimless.

We all know the talking points by heart: Guys will be guys. Men are biologically wired to objectify women. She wanted it. It was consensual. These same “facts” are used to justify sexual harassment and sexual assault. They have also been major hurdles to getting states to recognize gender-based violence as a problem.

Today, buying sex is illegal, but in practice, sex buying is decriminalized in Hawaii. More people are penalized for jaywalking. HPD arrested only 37 sex buyers in 2017, meanwhile arresting twice as many prostitutes/”sex workers,” some of whom may have been trafficked.

It is clear that the pass to men is not extended to those bought and sold in the sex trade — overwhelmingly women, youth and LGBTs. These groups are Hawaii’s extreme precariat. Many face economic strangulation, and nearly all have less free choice than their buyers. The Commission works with women who have had to make tough, traumatic decisions because of a lack of options to pay tuition or support a child. Yet we consider the sex trade their “fault” — which results in their treatment as deviant and criminal.

In the words of Hawaii island prosecutor Suzanna Tiapula, this treatment is shocking and should have ended yesterday. All women, girls and LGBTs in the sex trade deserve the state’s protection and the public’s compassion, regardless of how they entered. We should shift the stigma to men who take advantage of their vulnerability.

Voices from within the sex trade are essential, but most sex traders or survivors do not have the privilege of outing themselves publicly to weigh in on the issue. The Commission is committed to valuing all voices, not just those with the privilege to speak out and to claim authority to speak for all. What we know is that there is no authentic or monolithic perspective of the sex trade, but good policy centers on the most marginalized.

If we want to end harm against sex workers, we should hold to account those doing the most harm — which can include law enforcement and the state, but is overwhelmingly men buyers. The harm does not end at the individual level. A system of mass objectification of women is harmful to all women.

The size of the problem exceeds our reach as individual organizations, so we hope all will join the collective efforts of the Commission to forge a politics of accountability.