Los Angeles native Brad Coates got his law degree at the University of California at Los Angeles and then worked for the government of Micronesia before coming to Hawaii in 1978. He went into private practice and founded Coates & Frey with attorney Greg Frey, specializing in family law.
He’s been married to Realtor Sachi Braden almost 40 years and helped start a white-collar networking club called the Boys Bunch, which now welcomes men and women. In October, Coates, 66, celebrated the fifth edition of his book “Divorce with Decency,” a consumer’s guide to all aspects of divorce.
What’s changed for the fifth edition?
When I wrote the first edition in 1999, there was very little internet or internet dating. Now at least a third of all relationships are started over the internet. Facebook didn’t exist in 1999 and now photos on Facebook can end a relationship. Same-sex marriage didn’t exist. Pornography has always existed but it has never been so accessible as it is today. All of that has changed the dynamics of male/female relationships. Everything is continuing to shift around and it’s shifting more rapidly.
What’s one of the most important things you need for a good marriage?
Men and women need to understand the differences between men and women. Women get divorced most often because their husbands don’t communicate with them (but) guys (emit) only 7,000 (verbal and nonverbal) communication signals a day. Women have 20,000 a day — three times as many. Men and women need to be aware of that.
The Boys Bunch is best known for its annual “April Foolish” fundraiser for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. How did the group get together?
Me and a few other guys started getting together for business networking around town. The Boys Bunch of Hawaii has gotten together once a week for 35 years and is now up to 110 dues-paying members.
What would you like to be doing five years from now?
I’d like to be a retired lawyer, but staying physically fit is very important to me. I work out every day, I like to swim, I ski hard (in Nevada), I’ve run 20 marathons and I’ve done at least 25 triathlons, so I’m not going to be idle.
