A few months ago, I sat in my Spanish class listening to music with my mind completely checked out. All of a sudden I felt one of my earphones being removed from my ear. Towering over me was a young freshman boy. After asking him if I could help him, he responded, “I wanted to come over here and tell you to your face that I think that you are fat and ugly.” I was stunned. He remained incessant in his insults.
Ultimately, I stopped him and requested that he kindly go sit on a cactus. I rolled my eyes and told myself that his opinion was more than irrelevant; his words were not worth the time nor energy. However, that didn’t stop me from going home and crying because I felt hurt. Regardless of how much we tell ourselves, words can and do hurt.
When I next saw him, I knew I had to ask what prompted him to act the way he did and why. Rather than apologizing, he attempted to justify his actions by saying that it wasn’t just him that felt the way he did. He overhead some girls gossiping about everyone in the class, including me. Because of what others had been saying, he felt that he had the right to come up to me and repeat exactly what he had heard.
And that’s the issue. Yes, it was his choice for getting up and saying the things he did. On the other hand, if those girls hadn’t said anything demeaning in the first place, then the whole situation could have been avoided. One’s actions directly dictate how others will treat us and others.
When people see women degrading and insulting other women, they in turn believe that it is socially acceptable to do the same to others. Even when two people are in a fight or some form of disagreement, it should be everyone’s priority to remedy the issue rather than to be a bystander or an instigator.
This internalized misogyny, or girl-on-girl hate, is detrimental to all women. Hating other women for their beauty, intellect or wealth is not going to make you any prettier, smarter or richer. In her book, “Lean In,” Facebook chief operating officer and author Sheryl Sandberg writes: “Other women who are killing it should motivate you, thrill you, challenge you and inspire you, rather than threaten you and make you feel like you’re immediately being compared to them.”
Women can and must coexist in the same environment without threatening another’s success or accomplishments. If we cannot come together to support our fellow women, then we inadvertently give gender inequality room to flourish. As women, our greatest asset is to continue gaining a more prominent place in political, professional and social spheres. The last thing we need is to keep each other from succeeding. There is enough success in this world for all of us.
Instead of putting down a fellow woman, build her up. It’s important to recognize that she probably has experienced similar, if not the exact same, hardships and insecurities. In fact, think about all of the good done in the world as a result of women acting in solidarity. Each of us is special in our way, but that doesn’t mean one person is more or less valuable than the next. As everyone’s favorite coming-of-age musical once said: We’re all in this together.
Madison Maguire is a student at King Kekaulike High School, class of 2018.
