You know that one friend — you love ’em to death but you just don’t want to hear about the drama anymore. On and on, crazy details, messed-up family situations, enmity that has grown to a wildfire that is burning up everything in their lives and you just don’t want to have to bear witness to all that destruction.

No matter how smart they are or how hard they work or how huge their heart, they just can’t seem to extricate themselves from the long-term roiling family feud that has dominated their lives for so long. You can hardly remember what they were like before the trouble started.

Honolulu Police Chief Louis Kealoha has so much to deal with as leader of more than 2,000 sworn officers. He has so much to deal with at home.

But can you sum up in 500 words or less what’s going on with the police chief, his wife, her uncle and the tangle of investigations, allegations and lawsuits? Impossible. You need a flow chart on a huge whiteboard, a stack of sticky notes and a patient explainer to figure it all out.

Like the quote from Marcus Aurelius, “How much more grievous are the consequences of our anger than the acts which arouse it,” there was the initial fight and then it just kept getting crazier. Some of what’s fueling the flames is the incendiary nature of public scrutiny and the intensifying drumbeat of troubling stories about Honolulu’s top cop and his wife, Katherine Kealoha, a prosecuting attorney.

It’s hard not to feel for the guy, especially if you’ve lived through a period of family drama yourself. It’s one thing when you can keep it on the down-low and tell only a few trusted friends at work. It’s another when you’re the chief of police and the family member you’re beefing with knows that the best way to get you riled up is to keep stirring all sorts of public messes.

But what about the officers who go to work every day under the dark cloud hovering over the boss? When Kealoha was first named chief, he had widespread support in the department. Now, cops are making pixelated allegations about him on the evening news.

In military families, kids know that if they get in trouble, it reflects on everyone in the home. The active-duty member of the family could possibly lose a promotion because, as they say, if you can’t control your family, you can’t command your troops.

The Kealohas may very well have their vindication, but how long will it take and what will it cost in terms of public confidence and the burden it puts on every member of the police force?

Enough already. This fight should be fought in private and the police department should be led by a chief who can focus all his energy on fighting crime, not defending his honor. Kealoha should retire and then focus on working to clear his name.

Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.