There have to be more than a few people following the Billy Kenoi trial, hearing the descriptions of his various social activities and thinking, “Wow. That would be good fun.”
Imagine you’re a desk-bound bureaucrat who has worked in county government for 25 years. You get roped into helping with the Sam Choy Poke Festival, and after several hours of work, your back hurts from carrying coolers, your shoes smell like fish and you never want to see inamona again.
But then, from the distance, a figure appears. A short, stocky, jovial figure. He calls out a greeting, “Eh! Whatchoo doing?” or something like that, and he vows to go fetch you some liquid refreshment, a little mahalo, a little lomi for the hard work you put in playing behind-the-scenes gofer to famous chefs and annoying tourists.
But better than juice boxes or a liter bottle of soda and some Styrofoam cups, Mayor Billy Kenoi, the most good-fun aloha uncle in the 50th state, comes back with a bunch of booze in a Longs bag AND! he doesn’t just drop it off. He sits down and hoists one with you. “To you, my braddahs and sistahs. Take this, all of you, and inu. Do this in memory of me.” Or something like that.
Would you not be thinking: “This guy is the best. He’s the mayor, but he’s not all tantaran. He will hang out with little fishy-smelling me and have a drink after the party. That’s a servant leader for you.” Or something like that.
OK, now imagine sharing a pint with Kirk Caldwell. He’d be wearing a palaka shirt that screams “I swear to God I was born in Waipahu” and he’d be speaking his dorky pidgin, which always sounds like he’s a high-paid board member of a bank trying to act like he’s not.
Would Kirk be the life of the party? Negative. For that matter, Charles Djou probably wouldn’t be a rip snorter, either. Djou would probably sip a Pepsi and not throw in for an order of pupu. Neither one would be all funny and loose and, “Hey, did you ever think about throwing soap in the Kapiolani fountain? We go! … NAH nah nah nah nah!”
For that matter, could you picture clinking green bottles with David Ige? Only if those bottles were made of renewable materials and filled with high-tech water he brought back from his most recent trip to Okinawa and the after party was happening outside a high school gym after a robotics league semifinal.
Or Colleen Hanabusa. Would she be any fun? Actually, yeah, Colleen would probably be lots of fun. Not loud, uproarious joke-telling kind, but witty observations and real-life anecdotes. She wouldn’t use her government-issued card to pay the tab, though. She probably still has Dan Inouye’s gold card in her wallet.
As an accountant, Billy Kenoi is a disaster. But he’s not an accountant. He’s a canny, charismatic leader in a sea of drips. It would be no fun to reconcile his financials, but it would probably be a blast to hang out with him.
Reach Lee Cataluna at 529-4315 or lcataluna@staradvertiser.com.
