It’s the last Sunday in September and time to “flASHback” on the month’s news that amused and confused:
>> Contractors who worked on Oahu rail say the project could end up costing more than $10 billion and take 15 more years to complete to Ala Moana. By the time it’s done, the last leg will be an Atlantis Submarine Adventure.
>> The city held a public viewing of the first rail cars this weekend at the Pearl City operations center. It was a perfect opportunity for those who wanted to get a head start on going nowhere.
>> A 36-story, transit-oriented development planned near the Hawai‘i Convention Center has 109 luxury condos, but none of the affordable units TOD is supposed to promote. Our “Housing First” puts billionaires first.
>> Notwithstanding that city elections are nonpartisan, Democrats are waving the party flag for Mayor Kirk Caldwell in his race against Charles Djou, a Republican. Hawaii elections are like a meeting of three wolves and one sheep to vote on what to have for dinner.
>> City Councilman Trevor Ozawa voted against a Police Commission nominee for missing a meeting with him and endorsed Djou over Caldwell because the mayor didn’t give him a meeting as soon as he wanted. The Council needs a mommy to kiss away Trevor’s hurt widdle feelings.
>> It’ll cost taxpayers $300,000 or more for outside attorneys to defend a defamation lawsuit filed against the city by Police Chief Louis Kealoha and his prosecutor wife, Katherine. We haven’t seen a fun couple like this since Bonnie and Clyde.
>> With a little progress so far, Gov. David Ige postponed his timetable for doubling Hawaii’s food production from 2020 to 2030. By then, he hopes science will have discovered a way to grow stuff on paved-over farmlands.
>> After five years of leading a birther conspiracy against President Barack Obama, Donald Trump finally conceded that the president was born in Hawaii. Still unaccounted for is the origin of the dead animal Trump wears on his head.
>> Attorneys defending Big Island Mayor Billy Kenoi for misusing his county credit card on hostess bars and other personal expenses said he had “bigger things to do” than reimburse the county for his charges. He was busy riding the surfboard and bicycle he charged.
>> The Hawai‘i Tourism Authority will use facial recognition software to attract more visitors from the millennial generation to Hawaii. The algorithm, which scans for entitled faces that are easily offended, was tested on Trevor Ozawa.
And the quote of the month from … Billy Kenoi’s attorneys, Todd Eddins and Richard Sing, in defense of Kenoi’s huge bar tabs: “Sharing an alcoholic drink has always been a common part of doing business and conducting the affairs of government.” In other words, our elected officials do their best work drunk.
Reach David Shapiro at volcanicash@gmail.com.
